The Only Way Through Is To Become More You

“You can’t make people choose you. But the people meant for you can’t find you if you’re pretending to be someone else.”

There comes a point in life where pretending becomes more exhausting than rejection.

Maybe you know exactly what I mean.

Maybe you’ve spent years changing little pieces of yourself just to fit in. You laughed at jokes you didn’t think were funny. You said yes when you wanted to say no. You stayed quiet because speaking your mind felt too risky. Maybe you even convinced yourself you liked things simply because everyone else did.

At first, those little changes don’t seem like a big deal.

You tell yourself you’re just adapting.

Being agreeable.

Trying to make friends.

Trying to belong.

But eventually, those little edits become so frequent that one day you look in the mirror and wonder…

“Who am I?”

Not because you’ve become someone new.

Because you’ve spent so much time becoming what everyone else wanted that you’ve forgotten the person you were before the world told you who to be.

If that’s where you are right now, I want you to know something.

You are not broken.

You haven’t failed.

You haven’t lost yourself forever.

You simply drifted away from yourself.

And the beautiful thing about that is if you drifted away…

You can always come home.

The Only Way Through Is To Become More You

I know that sounds backwards.

We’re constantly told we need to improve ourselves. Fix ourselves. Reinvent ourselves. Become more productive, more attractive, more successful, more outgoing, more disciplined.

There’s nothing wrong with growth.

But growth should never require abandoning who you are.

The healthiest version of you isn’t someone completely different.

It’s you, just with less fear, less shame, and less pretending.

The only way through life isn’t becoming who everyone approves of.

It’s becoming more of the person you already are.

Because pretending is exhausting.

Trying to remember which version of yourself you showed to which group of people is exhausting.

Constantly filtering your thoughts before speaking is exhausting.

Monitoring how you laugh, how you walk, how you dress, how you react, how your face looks…

It’s exhausting.

And eventually your body tells you what your mind has been ignoring.

You are tired.

Not because life is too hard.

Because you’ve been carrying around a version of yourself that was never meant to exist.

Somewhere Along The Way, We Learned To Edit Ourselves

None of us are born pretending.

Children are beautifully authentic.

They laugh loudly.

Cry openly.

Wear mismatched outfits.

Talk about dinosaurs one minute and princesses the next.

They don’t care if they’re “too much.”

They just are.

Then life happens.

Someone laughs at us.

Someone calls us weird.

Too quiet.

Too loud.

Too emotional.

Too sensitive.

Too ambitious.

Too different.

Little by little, we begin editing ourselves.

We stop wearing what we love because it isn’t trendy.

We stop talking about our interests because they’re “nerdy.”

We stop dancing because someone might judge us.

We stop expressing ourselves because we don’t want to be misunderstood.

Without realizing it, we slowly trade authenticity for acceptance.

And the scary part?

Sometimes it works.

People like the edited/watered down version of us.

But deep down, we still feel lonely.

Because no one actually knows us.

They know the version we created to survive.

“Fix Your Face”

Growing up in my immigrant African household, there was one phrase I heard more times than I can count.

“Fix your face.”

Apparently my expressions weren’t always pleasant enough.

People would tell me I looked mean.

Too serious.

Too intimidating.

And while I know those comments weren’t always meant to hurt me, they planted a seed.

Maybe parts of me needed editing before they were acceptable.

Looking back now, I realize how exhausting that mindset is.

Imagine constantly monitoring your own expressions.

Wondering if your face is making someone uncomfortable.

Changing how you naturally react just to make everyone else feel better.

Eventually I stopped.

Not because I became rude.

Not because I don’t care about other people. (I mean I don’t LOL)

But because I realized I deserved to exist naturally too.

If I’m excited, I’m excited.

If I’m thinking deeply, my face probably reflects that.

If I’m emotional, I’m going to allow myself to feel it instead of apologizing for it.

Authenticity isn’t just about your hobbies.

It’s about allowing yourself to exist without constantly editing every part of who you are.

That’s freedom.

And once you experience it…

It’s really hard to go back.

You Can’t Make People Choose You

One of the hardest lessons I’ve ever learned is this:

You cannot make people choose you.

You can’t convince someone to see your worth.

You can’t perform your way into being loved.

You can’t become so perfect that everyone suddenly understands you.

And honestly?

You shouldn’t have to.

I think so many of us spend years trying to become more lovable.

More agreeable.

More impressive.

More successful.

More attractive.

Thinking that if we just improve enough…

Then people will finally choose us.

But the people who are meant for you don’t need a performance.

They need you.

Because here’s the truth.

The people who are looking for someone exactly like you can’t recognize you if you’re pretending to be someone else.

Isolation And Solitude Are Not The Same Thing

For the longest time, I thought being alone automatically meant being lonely.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

There is a huge difference between isolation and solitude, and learning that completely changed my life.

Isolation is feeling disconnected, even when you’re surrounded by people.

It’s sitting at a table full of friends and still feeling misunderstood.

It’s laughing at conversations you don’t actually enjoy.

It’s pretending to fit in while secretly wishing someone would notice that you’re struggling.

I’ve honestly felt lonelier in a room full of people than I ever have sitting by myself.

Because pretending is lonely.

No one can truly know you if they’re only meeting your mask.

Solitude, on the other hand, is completely different.

Solitude isn’t punishment.

It’s peace.

It’s learning to enjoy your own company.

It’s realizing that being by yourself doesn’t mean you’re abandoned; it means you’ve created space to reconnect with the one person you’ll spend your entire life with: yourself.

When I’m alone, I don’t have to perform.

I don’t have to wonder if I’m saying the right thing.

I don’t have to impress anyone.

I don’t have to shrink myself or make myself easier to digest.

I simply get to be.

And there is something incredibly freeing about that.

The truth is, if you can’t enjoy your own company, you’ll often settle for the wrong company just so you don’t have to be alone.

But eventually, the wrong company becomes more draining than solitude ever was.

That’s when you realize that peace is far more valuable than popularity.

Your Vibe Really Does Attract Your Tribe

One of my favorite sayings is,

Your vibe attracts your tribe.

I know it’s become one of those phrases people throw around all the time, but I’ve experienced it firsthand.

When I stopped faking the funk…

When I stopped trying to be what everyone else wanted…

When I stopped worrying about whether people thought I was weird…

I naturally started attracting people who actually liked me for me.

Not the polished version.

Not the edited version.

Me.

Growing up, I loved anime and manga (still do).

I wasn’t necessarily shouting it from the rooftops, but I also wasn’t ashamed of it.

Because I talked about what I genuinely enjoyed, I ended up meeting people who loved those same things.

We shared recommendations.

Introduced each other to new shows and comics.

Spent hours talking about something that genuinely made us happy.

Those friendships eventually faded as life moved on, but the lesson stayed with me.

Had I hidden that part of myself because I wanted to seem “cool,” I never would’ve made those connections in the first place.

The same goes for every part of who you are.

Your style.

Your laugh.

Your humor.

Your interests.

The books you read.

The music you listen to.

The way you decorate your room.

The random facts you’re excited to share.

These aren’t things to hide.

They’re the breadcrumbs that help your people find you.

Stop Comparing Your Journey

Comparison has a funny way of convincing us that everyone else has life figured out.

Social media doesn’t help.

We’re constantly seeing people buying homes.

Getting married.

Traveling the world.

Starting businesses.

Landing dream jobs.

Finding “the one.”

And suddenly, our own lives start feeling behind.

But here’s what we forget.

You’re comparing your everyday life to someone’s highlight reel.

You don’t know what they sacrificed.

You don’t know how long they struggled.

You don’t know what they cried about before posting that smiling picture.

You don’t know what they’re carrying behind closed doors.

Not everything that glitters is gold.

Comparison also has another dangerous side effect.

It slowly convinces you to abandon yourself.

You stop asking,

“What do I actually want?”

And you start asking,

“What seems to be working for everyone else?”

That’s how people lose themselves.

Not overnight.

Little by little.

Trend by trend.

Like by like.

Until they wake up chasing a life they never truly wanted.

Remember this:

Just because someone else’s story looks beautiful doesn’t mean yours is falling behind.

We all have different paths.

Different childhoods.

Different opportunities.

Different fears.

Different dreams.

Different timing.

You aren’t behind.

You’re simply walking a path that belongs only to you.

Stop Editing Yourself

Authenticity isn’t just about being honest.

It’s about allowing yourself to exist naturally.

Wear the clothes you actually love.

Listen to the music that makes you happy.

Watch the shows that excite you.

Read the books that make you think.

Express your emotions instead of suppressing them.

Say no without feeling guilty.

Say yes when something genuinely lights you up.

Laugh loudly.

Cry when you need to.

Dance even if you’re terrible at it.

Take yourself out on dates.

Walk through the park without needing someone beside you.

Stop fixing your face if your face isn’t broken.

Stop shrinking yourself just because someone else is uncomfortable with your light.

As long as you’re not hurting anyone…

There is absolutely nothing wrong with showing up exactly as you are.

Because life becomes so much lighter when you stop carrying a mask that was never yours to begin with.

How To Come Home To Yourself

If you’ve spent years becoming who everyone else needed you to be, don’t expect yourself to remember who you are overnight.

Give yourself grace.

You aren’t starting from scratch.

You’re returning to someone you’ve always been.

Coming home to yourself isn’t about creating a brand-new identity. It’s about gently peeling back the layers that never belonged to you in the first place.

Think of it like cleaning a dusty mirror.

Your reflection never disappeared.

It was simply hidden.

Here are a few things that helped me reconnect with myself, and maybe they’ll help you too.

1. Go Back To Childhood

Before the opinions.

Before the trends.

Before everyone had something to say about who you should be.

What made you happy?

What did you naturally gravitate toward?

Maybe you loved drawing.

Maybe you were always outside collecting rocks or climbing trees.

Maybe you loved anime, comic books, writing stories, baking, dancing, or reading fantasy novels.

Children don’t choose hobbies because they’re cool.

They choose them because they’re curious.

Sometimes the quickest way back to yourself is remembering who you were before the world convinced you to become someone else.

2. Spend Time With Yourself

I know.

This one scares people.

Especially if you’re used to constant noise.

Constant texts.

Constant plans.

Constant stimulation.

But boredom isn’t something to fear.

In fact, boredom creates space.

Space for your thoughts.

Space for your creativity.

Space for your intuition.

Take yourself out for coffee.

Go to a bookstore.

Walk around a museum.

Sit in the park.

Go to the beach if you live near one.

Drive with no destination.

The goal isn’t to be productive.

The goal is simply to spend time with yourself until your own company begins to feel familiar instead of uncomfortable.

Because wherever you go…

There you are.

3. Try New Things Without Needing To Be Good At Them

Sometimes we think we’ve lost ourselves when really…

We just haven’t met every version of ourselves yet.

Take a pottery class.

Try painting.

Learn to crochet.

Go hiking.

Take a dance class.

Volunteer somewhere.

Read a genre you’ve never touched before.

Not because it’ll look good on Instagram.

Not because it’ll impress anyone.

But because you’re curious.

Curiosity has a beautiful way of introducing us to parts of ourselves we didn’t know existed.

4. People Watch

This might sound like an odd suggestion…

But it’s one of my favorites.

Go somewhere with lots of people.

A café.

A city.

A park.

A bookstore.

A train station.

Then just observe.

Notice how differently everyone walks.

Laughs.

Talks with their hands.

Smiles.

Gets excited.

Dresses.

Carries themselves.

You’ll start to realize something beautiful.

Human beings aren’t amazing because we’re all the same.

We’re amazing because no one else has ever existed exactly like you.

Every person you pass has a completely different story.

Different dreams.

Different fears.

Different memories.

Different personalities.

And somehow…

That diversity is what makes humanity so beautiful.

So why would you spend your life trying to erase the very thing that makes you unique?

5. Learn To Sit With Your Emotions

One thing I’ve learned is that emotions aren’t enemies.

They’re messengers.

Instead of pushing them away…

Ask them what they’re trying to teach you.

Why does rejection hurt so much?

Why do you feel the need to impress people?

Why does being perceived make you uncomfortable?

Where did those beliefs come from?

Sometimes they came from childhood.

Sometimes from heartbreak.

Sometimes from culture.

Sometimes from social media.

Sometimes from people who were hurting themselves.

Whatever the reason…

You don’t have to carry those beliefs forever.

Healing begins the moment you become curious instead of judgmental.

You Are The Creator Of Your Life

One of my favorite reminders is this:

You weren’t given this life to memorize someone else’s script.

You were given this life to write your own.

You don’t need permission to enjoy what you enjoy.

To wear what you want.

To dream differently.

To move at your own pace.

To build a life that actually feels good instead of simply looking good.

Because one day…

None of us will be here.

That isn’t meant to be depressing.

If anything, I find it freeing.

Why spend the only life you know you have trying to become someone else?

Why wear a mask every single day?

Why silence yourself?

Why dim your personality?

Tomorrow isn’t promised.

So why not spend today being fully, unapologetically yourself?

A Final Reminder

I recently came across a quote that stopped me in my tracks.

“Nobody really talks about how your personality changes as you get older. You stop caring about impressing people—you just want peace. You want rest, balance, and to stay far away from anything or anyone that drains your energy.”

The older I get, the more I understand what that means.

Peace starts becoming more important than approval.

Authenticity becomes more important than fitting in.

You realize you don’t need everyone to understand you.

You don’t need everyone to choose you.

You don’t need everyone to like you.

You simply need to like the person staring back at you in the mirror.

Maybe that’s what growing up really is.

Not becoming someone new.

But finally having the courage to become who you’ve been all along.

So if you’ve been hiding…

Pretending.

Shrinking yourself.

Editing your personality.

Trying to fit into places you’ve already outgrown…

Let this be your reminder.

Take the mask off.

Wear the clothes you’ve always wanted to wear.

Talk about the things that genuinely excite you.

Laugh the way you naturally laugh.

Stop fixing your face if your face isn’t broken.

Feel your emotions.

Take yourself on dates.

Enjoy your own company.

And trust that your people will find you.

Because they can’t recognize a version of you that isn’t real.

The only way through this life isn’t becoming less of yourself.

It’s becoming more of yourself.

And I promise you…

There is so much peace waiting on the other side of that.

Written with love,
Impera

Check Out My Rebirth Collection Now ✧

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